-=[ßúŋğŁởŠ]=-

Found Her

2011-05-14T07:20:00.002+08:00

I've finally found someone i trully love and who trully loves me i'm gonna make her the hapiest girl ion this world stating from now. Mark this day onwards.

Fuck This World

2009-06-26T16:59:00.002+08:00

Its unbelievable that every girl that walk into my life all walk out on me. How sad is that? :( very depressing, i can't even begin to describe how i feel rite now. 2 days not hearing her voice can drive me up the wall and now she leave for god knows how long...Why does it have to happen? Why do i have to fall in love with her, to all of them and then be left by them? Why does it always have to be me who suffers? God hate me so much that his doing this to me? Or issit the whole worlds' plot o make me feel alone? U guys don't have to go through all that trouble man, just kill me or tell me to kill myself i'd gladly do it. I can't take this anymore. Is my fate trully to be alone? fuck this world....

She's The One

2009-05-03T22:04:00.002+08:00

Many have been asking me lately, who am i seeing. Hahaha truth be spoken i'm not seeing anyone or haven't yet :D Well it's complicated even if i can explain, u won't understand. But there is a girl who stole my heart. Well she can keep it coz i want her to take it ;) its been sometime since i feel this way so yah i'm enjoying it before some other shit happens. Oh yes i noe its coming just donnoe when. Future with this girl, to me its fair but to the whole world it might be a storm. To her? Nobody knows. But what's important is i found someone to acompany me on my lonely journey towards salvation. If she's the one then i'm grateful, if she's not then i'll try again. In the game of love, one must not give up. For love comes when least expected. So i hope you guys wish me luck hopefully it goes well ;)

Goodbye For Eternity

2008-10-26T20:27:00.002+08:00

Haiz...I knew its coming, and now it has come and go. The 1st time i read i couldn't believe she wrote an email to me. But i guess it'll do :( She's attached with a new guy whom i suppose is that chinese guy she talked about all this while. I'm sad for myself but happy for her. She felt it was the right thing to do, being with me again seems inapropriate. But she still loves me. Crazy as it seems but i believe her. Some things u can't control, no matter what u do, no matter how hard u try, if it doesn't change, it won't change. I hope she lives happily ever after. As for me, now is not the time too worry bout relationships...need to get back on track and move on. I'm just an unlucky motherfucker caught up in between a tsunami and a hurricane. Either way i'm still a gonner. Searching for the one? Never stopped just paused, and at every stop perception changes. Maeb she's out there somewhere, looking for me but i've not shown up yet. If i find her, i'll be sure to never let her go. It's just a matter of when, not so soon i guess but one day. To whom it may concern, thank you for giving me the opportunity to love and be loved the way i always dreamed. Unfortunately, i would have to break my promise, i apologise for that. AS for now, i could only do 1 thing for you, to dissapear from ur life. With that my love may we not see each other ever again...

PS: I LOVE YOU for the last time

About This Girl

2008-09-20T20:38:00.003+08:00

There is a girl whom i've never met,
With the swittest smile i've ever seen,
And the cutest laughter ive ever heard,
Eversince she came into my life,
I've never stopped smiling,
Call me crazy hehe maybe its true,
Maybe i'm crazy about you,
It makes no sense what i am feeling,
How could anyone make me feel this way,
She's just someone i got to know,
Even so i can't deny,
She makes me feel all tingling inside,
Can it be i'm falling for her?
Or maeb i've fallen for her.

Field Camp

2008-08-08T16:10:00.002+08:00

Danm! Sunday field camp, gonna suck big time :( gonna miss alot of stuff. I hope time past very quickly coz 6 days without bathing can stink big time lol. I heard we're digging some grave for ourselves to fit in *irony*. Shooting some blanks hehehe. 8KM route march! sian.

Well atleast one good thing comes out of all these. I don't think too much. do and forget. Need to distract myself from thinkoing too much :D. tomorrow book in 5.55pm haiz can't enjoy life nowadays hahaha. Lucky for me i met some good frenz to help me out :D well then nutin much to say now hope to return home next week in 1 piece ;) haha

Back From BMT

2008-07-26T13:37:00.002+08:00

I went home yesterday at 8pm from Tekong. What a relief from all those titring training. Fuck Tekong i wish i never have to go back there agian but then everyone must go so what the hell. Anyway i came back home and went online, Idah was online to but we didn't talk much as i made a point to not bothere her anymore. She needs time so i give her all the time in the world, truthfully speaking i don't think she'd ever want to get back with me. But i still lovc her nonetheless.

Skipping to the next part of the story i watched some anime's before i can't keep myself awake so i went to sleep at 12am. I woke up at 11 today was such a refreshing state. Never slept so well for the past 2 weeks. Got problems with the com today so didn't get to come online early, not that there's any reason to anyway. Going to get myself a phone and a prepaid to use in camp. Once got that i need someone to call though hahaha. That would be a harder problem to solve. Since there's no other girls that cares bout me. But i'll find some i guess.

I really need inspiration to get through this BMT. The mental torture is killing me. I just want it to be over with. I got my own life to lead. Was thinkning of signing on airforce lets just see what's in store for me. Just have some problems passing IPPT, pullup and 2.4km run. Slowly ill do beta i hope. well then tht is it so anything guys u know where to reach me.

Please Come Home To Me

2008-06-14T13:24:00.000+08:00

Dear Sayang,

I'm sorry to bother u, but i can't stop myself. I've not been myself lately, most of the time i'd be thinking of u. I cry myself to sleep every night thinking bout u. I don't know if u're thinking of me probably u're thinking of him. Yes i know u're attached now :( But i'm still restless. My heart won't rest peacefully until I hear it from u. Do u love him more than me? Are u happy with him than me? Have u totally lost the love for me? So many question but no definite answer.

Do u remember the time we spent together at Suntec foountain of wealth? We ate subway and stared at the beautiful sky together not worrying when to go home? That was the best day of my life. Or the time i taught u how to play pool? The time i fetched u from u're prom night? The special bear u gave me for my birthday? The brownie u made for me? Our first kiss? 2 years is a long time sayang, but it means nothing without content. What we went through 2 years is priceless to me, i'd never trade anything for it. I never wanted it to end. I guess muy ego got the better of me. U made me realise i've always loved u. Even now when u're with someone else i still love u.

U remember wat we promised? To be together forever? If we found a replacement we'd tell each other? I never could find a replacement for u sayang. Even when i'm with someone else, all i could think of was u baby, i'm loving u more than any human could. I'm loving u so much that it hurts to know u're with someone else :'( Baby please come back. NS is calling and its terrifying me. I want to spend more time with u. Please let me have you to come home to. U're my life, without u, i don't have any reason to live :''(

Love Farhan

A Mistake

2008-02-25T20:43:00.003+08:00

Dear blog,

Life has never been more challenging. Stress? i don't think so. I guess dissapointment is part of me. Never fails to stick to me everywhere i go. From myself to the people around me. Maybe it can't be helped, we are human by the way. I made a mistake of trusting people again. One mistake i took high precaution to avoid in the end i trusted the wrong people. With that i lost the love of my life, my passion for soccer, and my frenz. I sacrificed all of them because i trusted too few people too much.

I hate it when im right. Assumption is never advisable but my predictions always hits the spot. I never thought the one person i truly believe in would make the same mistake he swore never to make. All because of a girl, what else. 1st San Wan then him. And ironicly i'm always stuck in the middle. I don't wish to, trust me, being the cause of everything bad is not something to be proud of. And to think that i supported his decision, i even helped him to get THE girl. Although not the girl of his dreams but atleast someone for him to start of with. Maybe then San Wan was not around to give his opinion on things but not to blame him, he's caught in his own deep shit. Without the confidence of his friend they would not even be together. And now she hates us? not that i care coz she is a nobody but to let him choose between frenz or her? wahdu3 who does she think she is? And he can entertain all this without any actions? Come on la bro, what does it takes to show you that enough is enough? After all this and u still think she's the one for u? DANM U ARE BLIND! Maybe u all think i don't really matter ar in all this or insignificant in any of this but hey i sacrificed too much to be dissapointed like this. If i wasn't clear then, well now im making it CRYSTAL clear.

Who cares now rite? nobody does, like everyone else i've known before they come and goes. Who gives a shit about me rite? But think it in a positive way ar ehk, this way u guys will be much more happier trust me. No soccer so she won't complain we take aaway her time with u. No chilling so she won't accuse us of corrupting u. U can spend the whole time in the world with her, only her. No need to spend time crack ur head when to meet frenz when to meet gerl. Stress free situation because we are ur frenz we would do that. Since she is so indecisive to let u go or to keep u around, well consider this our gift. Personally, i think u guys spend too much time together that there is no room to breathe but what the heck that's just me. Once a week would be sufficient so u guys won't go for each other's throats all the time. But again this is just a strangers advice do what ever u think is best nobody's gonna question u guys.

And about that day we 'TON' at cityhall we were hoping u would like to share what happen and what's gonna happen. But ofcourse we called and u didn't pick up so many times and all u can do is message us saying "ako tak meet korang nari". Fair enough that's a bummer then we got to know u meet her? Seems like u made ur choice so yah we understand perfectly. There's nothing more to say here. So if u think u can understand how i feel now? Good for u. Now u leave me with nothing, i have no love, no friends, no hobbies, all because i hoped brothers stay strong united. And i learned the hard way, what a mistake that is...thanks eh :)

Truthfully
Bungkos

Sheessh

2008-02-20T17:48:00.003+08:00

U noe...i didn't ask u to read my entries. I don't really care what u think of me. I live a care free life, if u think ur life is wonderful by all means SHUT THE FUCK UP! Nobody wants to noe REALY! But if u think ur gonna break friendships here's a heads up. U may be happy with him, but doesn't mean he's happy with u. So if u really meant what u said...then i expect u to be dead capiche?

P.S: To whom it may concern get ur facts right before jumping to conclusions!

Terrible Day

2008-02-11T00:32:00.000+08:00

Yesterday 3.30pm, went Sim Lim square & bought maself a PSP Slim. Done that rush home to set things ready for the big night. finnished writing her card at 5.30pm. Went to buy her chocolates. Then 6pm met my bros at wdls interchange. Got sumtink to eat at LJS then we head to Tamp taking 168. 1st time taking so jakun haha. Talked crap all through the journey with my fone as always silent no msgs *sigh* Then reached there at ard 8pm walked ard see some chicks if there was one haha. Then we took serveci 15 to Pasir Ris. Chilled ard 2hrs nearby her block. Right on time 12am 10th Feb 2008 i called her to wish happy birthday. She didn't pick up. Called so many times ard 9 times i think still no answer. Decided to place the stuff right outside the door and hope she sees it in the morning. Made a last call which she picked up. Told her the surprise but was greeted reluctantly. Not the way i pictured it would be. 12.20am she pickup my call and she don;t want to take my presents for her. Told me to leave it there and in the morning she'll take it *haizz* she don't even want to see me for the last time. I was dissapointed but hey, we're nothing oready so why be mad? I couldn't believe it turned out tragicly. She even told me to go home when i took my time to comeby her place give her a surprise gift and she never even appreciate it. Sad ending to a beautiful love story. Luckily i had my bros with me. They lighten things up fer me. If it weren't for them i would be miserable all on my own. Here some picttures we took at DTE;

It's time

2008-02-09T01:48:00.000+08:00

Well the time has come. Tomorrow is the day. The last time i'm gona try to win her heart. Although i know nothing will change her mind but still there is just enuf hope for me to hold on to. After tomorrow, i promise my love i'll live u alone for good...

Gone Nuts Because of Her

2008-01-16T21:47:00.000+08:00

I shldn't have treated her that way, Now i feel worse than lonely. My frenz have their loved ones to care for them. In their own way wateva it is. And i lost the one girl that cared for me like never before...I took so long to realise that she's the one for me. Now i lost her and she's never coming back. She took with her my heart and i don't think i can live for long to survive her absence. With her around everything is manageable and perfect. Without her everything is falling apart. I missed her so much that i could have sleepwalked to her bedroom. I loved her so much that i feel my heart isn't big enuf to fit her in. All day i think of her, all night i dream of her more than ever b4. The truth sinks in very fast and very shockingly. I couldn't react...she made me feel so weak inside. As a man it feels terrible, i never felt more in need of her as ever b4. The time when she's missing i went to look for her everywhere. Called her smsed her, would have went to her home until she replied. Different from other days. She seemed CAREless. She totally disregard my feelings, her tone is like "WHATEVA" and it really breaks my heart. Finally i felt what love is. Finally i've been hurt to the extent of damaging my soul. I felt it once again after so long. Once b4 i loved someone with all my heart but was ignored totally. Once i loved someone hu doesn't loved me the same. And now the only person i can picture myself being married to, having children with dissapears into the abiss...If i could do anything at all to change what have been done. I would. If i can turn back time, i'd remove all unhappiness from her life, replace them with unforgetable memories. I'd love her so much that she'd think i was unreal. I regretted not being there for her...always bz with school, frenz and games. I was trying to provide a better future for both of us baby, as for my frenz they have some of the good and bad influences on me. As for my games, i could do without them if only i could see u every day. If only i can feel u everyday. Time will change but my heart will forever remain urs...until baby, u find someone else to replace me...which i hope never happen...coz if it does, then i lost the will to live. Im sori if i irritated u this past few weeks, but thats only because i don't want to let u go. I fear loosing u. I fear i won't move on without u...If i change how could i show it to u??? i want u to know that im a changed man now, and i want to be given a chance to undo my mistakes...But its up to u :'( i love u so much that everything i do...i do it for u. I LOVE u Junaidah...i hope u still love me to...

7th Week IAP

2008-01-11T11:00:00.000+08:00

Very dreadful day, not feeling like doing anything. Lost the love of my life yesterday. Never felt more lonely than ever. I hope IAP finnish fast cause i need some time to reflect. Need to chill out ad set everything straight. It's been hell, can it be any worse?

The Prettiest, Sweetest, Cutest

2008-01-03T22:12:00.000+08:00

I feel that you're the preetiest girl i've ever met,

with the sweetest smile i've ever seen

and the cutest laughter i've ever heard.

The 1st time i laid my eyes on you..

That image stayed with me even in my dreams..

I'm sure u know hw i feel,

That is why u told wat u have to..

P.S: A broken heart can never be broken twice, it would all turn out just fine if u hadn't said a word

A Story About Love

2007-12-06T19:19:00.000+08:00

Her..She

2007-12-04T23:18:00.000+08:00

Hehehehe ain't she cute?? wah i can't believe she look hot in uniform. But then again...i am attracted to girls in uniform...hmmm. Danm i hate it when im right hahaha ;)

Love Is Bull!

2007-11-28T21:25:00.000+08:00

People say they cannot live withput love...i used to believe that too but i came to realise that its a whole lot of bull. Love is nothing special. Not everyone can experience love. Love i mean intimate love that is. Some of us are just not cut out to be loved. Although we try to be the nice guys, the gentleman's the man all girls want. but in the end we lose out. Coz y? coz they have to many choices and they pick the most good looking ones as priority no. 1.

What the hell is going on here?? Ain't love meant for everyone? Ugly people are not meant to be loved? is that it? I don't know whether i believe in love anymore...its just not possible. With what i see everyday...and go through B4 i wonder why people are searching for it? I hate what i've become. But what am i to do...people ard me just make me don't believe in love. I hope someday someone out there can prove to me there is still hope...that love really do exists...

Last Week FYP

2007-11-25T02:02:00.000+08:00

The last week of FYP was slack everyone was just busy trying to finnish thier report and get the hell out of school hahaha. The teacher didn't give a hoot what we do except for Choo ofcourse. but what the hell thats the last time i would ever hear he say anything so WTH.

NOw im just enjoying the freedom while it last, coz on monday IAP starts and that when boredom begins. :)

11th Week Fyp

2007-11-12T08:52:00.000+08:00

Weekends turn out sucks afterall. Ton with my brothers at bukit batok nature reserve. Was bored so messaged all the girls in my contacts but none replied. Haizz i guess they forgotten bout me...why would anyone want to remember me rite? who the hell am i to stay in anyone's heart or mind 4 long? Just felt like needing someone that day...Wan got alot of girls to keep him company, Ron got his girlfriend for the rest of his life and i have noone...shucks i hate being emotional not good at telling people how i feel, so therefore maeb i deserve all this...If today turns out to be a shitty day...well nobody knows what im going to do...and nobody cares T_T

10th Week FYP

2007-11-05T08:21:00.000+08:00

At least its a good start of the week. Came at 8.18am, and i thought i can't make it on time hahaha. Anyway all is quiete now but it won't stay the same for long. Not too sure if today there is something new to do or not. But i guess im prepared for anything hahaha.

Nothing much too say this week but thursday no school! so shiok hahaha can play WoW. other than that its gonna be boring like always hahaha

P.S: Last week drama night 2007 power pack. So many chicks hahaha. There was one exceptionaly beautiful that caught my eyes. Short hair, fair, chinese looking and she's HOT! hope i can see her again :D

How Do You Tell A Friend, I Love You?

2007-11-02T14:28:00.002+08:00

It has always been a dillema for me to find the girl who i loved. When i do find her i befriend her and then...that's when i fumbled. How do i express my feelings, my true feelings to someone i love who already is my friend? She treats me as a friend, i treat as a friend but i feel for her differently.

Sometimes it hurts to be in my position because you don't want to loose a friend and also u don't want to be "JUST FRIENDS". That's the 1st step, to decide whether to tell or not to tell. The 2nd step is how do you say it? I mean how you bring about the topic? do i say, "hey! u noe wat? i actually am falling in love with u? can u believe it? haha" or "i got sumting to tell you. Im in love with you..".i tried both and both srewed up my life. :(

People say you must show your intentions clearly but 10% direct approaches doesn't work. 50% indirect approach doen't work. And further more they say u must not wait too long or too short. I don't even know if she feels the same for me how the hell am i goin to know when is the right time?

9th Week FYP

2007-10-30T08:14:00.000+08:00

SIAN! Monday already kana caught late! not really late la told him i was at south canteen but still got conselling letter haiz -_- My supervisor said 1 more time and you are out from FYP WTF!!! once in a life time i really late then he cannot close eye? !@#$%^*&^)(*_ fedup sia.

But its okay, no A for dis sem won't die. I just want to get the hell out of this place. This place sucks people blood everyday sia...Anyway played WoW till 1am yesterday or should i say today? haha still can wake up phew...Lvled to 18 and hoping to level again tonite. Got an aching workout yesterday, still aching till today haiz...

3 more weeks nt including this week hahaha. Next week Deepavali, thursday no sch can enjoy den maeb next week wed or next 2 weeks BMTC excursion. Today 11am got mentor/mentee meeting don't know the hell 4 wat haha another sian week.

P.S: Met Idah the on sunday and she was hot pink hahaha. Told ya she look good in skirt still she won't believe me but anyway missed her so much and haven't seen her for so long too ;)

1st Day Raya

2007-10-19T00:31:00.000+08:00

This the colour i wear 1st day raya kinda not nice i think but wat the hell its only worn once a yr hahaha

This is actually the second day of raya where i wear blue my fav color nonetheless haha

8th Week FYP

2007-10-18T10:35:00.000+08:00

This week managed to finnish the wiring of that stupid Epoxy Machine thingy. But then the homing position is out of tune haizz, need to find out myself how to use Visual Basic and determine the problem myself. Can die sia!!! I don't know a thing about that application and somemore he ask me to do myself T_T

Yesterday my very good brother SAN WAN! made me wait for 3HRS!!! whack him sia!!! but still got to go back early so i guess its okay. And today playing soccer at 6pm so sumtink to look forward to later hahaha. Gooing raya this saturday den later at home play WoW haha tdae seem like fun except for FYP T_T

P.S: Ayu nampak ayu berbaju kurung macam Siti Nurhaliza hehehe ;) And Natasha looks super hot in red!!!! although i cant believe that u are shorter than me hahaha. Idah i lom jumpe lagi so i meet u soon k? hehehe Sadrinna look different in baju kurung but i can't say that much coz we never raya together b4 rite? hehe ;)

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri

2007-10-12T10:54:00.000+08:00

Kepada semua umat islam di Singapura, sahabat handai, dan rakan-rakan. Saya ingin mengucapkan Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri maaf zahir dan batin. Andainya ada tersilap kata, harap maafkan ye? hehe buat teman istimewa saya (tiada siapa yg tahu) harap baik-baik saja belajar rajin-rajin jgn malas. Good luck for the coming critical exams hope u pass with flying colours ;).

Hari raya tahun ni tiada bezanya bagiku. Sedih kerna sebab-sebab tertentu, gembira kerna sentiasa berteman dan disayangi. Emosi setiap raya bagiku sama sahaja, datang dan pergi tanpa diketahui. Tetapi perubahan tahun ini sangat mengkagumkan saya, kerna saya mulai faham erti pengampunan. Dengan itu saya rela memaafkan kesilapan insan-insan yang pernah melukai hati ini. Buang yang keruh, ambil yang jernih. Sekali lagi ku ucapkan selamat hari raya kepada semua.

P.S : Aik skali skala aku bebual emosi camni gerek jugak ehk? hahaha aniwae namely slamat hari raya aidilfitri kepada, AYU, IDAH, HANNAH, WATI, dan HANISAH ;)

6th Week FYP

2007-10-09T09:22:00.000+08:00

Today somebody wokeup at the wrong side of the bed. Early morning oready being scolded for not signing out yesterday wat sia...but aniway 3 days to go till end of puasa hahaha. Not looking forward to RAYA just the end of puasa. Thursday we FYP studednts planning to go geylang.

Danm almost forgot, presentation today at 5pm. wish me luck i sure need it. No preparation just want to get it over with. Never brought anything to school today lazy carry anything ar hahaha. Weekends for the next 3 weeks fully booked scheduled to go out WAH! cannot take it sia. No rest at all. Monday maybe not coming to school but even if i come...im still gona come late.

P.S: Last few entries abit boring no pictures but don't be dishearted coz im just lazy to upload them, take so long and time is what i don't have enough nowadays and btw MISS EU Ayu hehe if u happen to read this la that is ;)

5th Week FYP

2007-10-03T14:15:00.000+08:00

Now is already wednesday, feeling like ass. Finnished with my presentation slides left to present on week 6. Later go find my assessor then planning to take 1hr break don' care what they fucking say ar. So danm bored in lab like prisoon sia...worst than prison!

Thursday got NYAA award giving ceremony so clockout 2.30pm NICE! Friday eat outside with WRS frenz. something to look forward to. Haizz i just wish today would end faster...today no need to go terawih coz my pops nt comin home hahaha can chill so pls pls pls...make the time travel faster.

4th Week FYP

2007-09-24T13:21:00.001+08:00

Haiz, today is the beginning of 4th week for FYP. Wah...wished weekends could be longer. So bored, nothing to do. Raining in the morning, got myself wet getting to school. But i managed to clock in at 8:19 WoohOOoo.

Booking for medical checkup on thursday, thinking of booking it on Monday so ca n skip FYP for atleast few hours hehe. PLan to go with Devan but see how la. Looking forward to the weekends.

Life Report

2007-09-09T02:00:00.000+08:00

Its the starting of my FYP but i don't seem excited. 1 week passed and nothing so great but alot of boring stuff to do. Waiting for my IAP to come so that i can finnish my Prac 6, 7, 8 and TP haiz. So near yet so far...resting for the week till come monday need to do alot of hands on job. Missed alot of people seen a few more. No interesting features to add just that hope ur life is not so boring as mine.

And yah i failed 2.4km haiz. Need to do beta but dono how. Next tues is the test so gona see if i can do my best. I hope i can 2mths of freedom is much beta than 6 mth of torture haiz. No longer playing soccer coz i think i lost it oready, no stamina no skill. I need new shoes but i think otherwise. My exams results not out yet another 2 more weeks. Hope i clear them all den need to worry bout NS. Den work. Den marriage. Den family. Haiz never ending problems, why cant everything be simple?

Me & My Gear

2007-07-25T12:06:00.001+08:00

Here is a picture of me and my gear the best elite force the world have ever seen hahaha. Nice rite? of course its nice because its me haha :)

3 Musketeers

2007-07-19T17:11:00.001+08:00

Haha as u can see here the picture of my class mates :) i edited it simply by stamping and playing with colors thanx to fee i manage to figure out how to do this all by myself haha im so proud of myself LOL!

My Aka. Splash

2007-07-19T00:03:00.000+08:00

Hey! finally i got the water texture rite YES! hahaha Cool ain't it? Yeah i know hehehe dive in people!

1 Step To Destruction

2007-07-16T23:30:00.000+08:00

Hahaha i edited it myself poor background i must say but i like the dual colored text hehe did that myself :) Up coming portraits watch out i'm tring out sumtink new hehe.

Stress? Gotta Be Kidding Me

2007-07-09T23:21:00.000+08:00

Wah haha today, i was thinking when the hell am i gona finnish my practical 5? Its been long time since i rode a bike. Im flaring now just hope i could finnish it in 1 try :) Btw i want to display my picture i edited myself single handedly hehe:

A Brother's Birthday

2007-06-29T01:58:00.001+08:00

Today was SanWan's birthday, me and ron came down to causeway point to help our bro change his blog page haha. It was fun we saw alot of types of skins ranging from emo skins to hatred skins. Ron ofcourse the IT wiz was alot of help in web designing so yah im kinda useless at it :) Aniway our bro got his birthday present from us, an enjoyable time with frenz no stress no mess. We took some pictures while we were at woodlands Regional Library. Wacky pics, nonsense pics and yeah we also saw some young school aged kids trying to act as if they were attractive haha better luck next time girls ;)No chance in hell are they gona miss a chance to be celebrities in bungkos's blog hahaha. Chey like real only. Aniway ron had some probs with his girl earlier on the day but still he can smile for the camera rite? YEAH! What do you get when u mix to crazy dudes in one place? A HELL OF A GOOD TIME THAT IS!!! hahaha which we all did btw. Most of the time we were online doing our blog thingy and surfing for soccer updates. News bout soccer and all that. My laptop batt was dead by 9pm haizz so sad. There was only 1 electrical outlet and 2 lappy's and Wan's laptop was charging.What the hell are we looking at? Come on don't scare me man hahaha. We took this pic after we ate Ramly Burger and slurp some blueberry justea in front of block 363 or 636. Waiting for ron to come back...RonNnNn where are youououou....hahaha. There were alot of pakciks and mkciks there at werk. Parking attendants i suppose. Too bad i no vehicle LOL. But the lime light tonite was not them but to RON! haha never seen that side of RON. So lovey dovey ewww haha been there done that. And the worst thing is...the burger we bought haven been eaten yet sey like 1hr plus naik beku burger dier LOL! After almost 2hrs the burger runnig here and there finally it was consumed. Tamat riwayat ramly. Sedih tapi benar. Tapi takpe banyak lagi ramly yang boleh kiter makan lagi di dunia hahaha. As u can see there's the 2 crazy people, 1 smoking cigaretta another smoking ramly. Ain't it cool? hahaha. Niway guess why im writing and blabbering so long over the same thing over and over again? Just wanna make the length of this entry hahaha. Niway i got to tell u all that i don't smoke aites. So the next picture u see might be horrifying but be assured that no animals or any living being was harmed during the potrayal of this picture :) hahahaha.There it is...me smoking haha cam real gitu ehk? But ofcoz that is just camera trick don be fooled ;) Do i look cool? i donnoe maybe yes maybe not hahaha but 1 thing 2 be sure its no good to smoke so people out there please don't start. Bad for ur health and others around you. And btw this is bdae boy's idea not me so yah im a helpless friend being abused hahahaha. Joking bro haha aniway its been a fun night, saw chicks, had fun, surfnet, and by the way irah...who's ur friend standing next to ya long hair tank-top? She looks pretty nak kenal2 bleh? Hahaha aniway tag me u'all :)

The Last of All Confessions

2007-06-28T02:19:00.000+08:00

Hey there,

Im here to tell you of the things i've never told anyone before. Many things i need to share coz this is the last time i could say it...For those who don't wish to know please close this window for the truth...can be hurtful.

First and foremost i want to tell the one person who i've kept close to my heart all this time. She was the girl i have been looking for all this time but fate is not by my side. We were not meant to be...but i still feel the same. Then, now and forever. For once you love, you will always love. To you...remember when we used to talk. U asked me what is the one thing i would tell you if i had the chance to...well now i would like to tell you...I Love You Ayu :)

Secondly i would like to ask one question to you Hannah. Why? why you let other jerks have the chance to break your heart. You don't like it but yet u keep falling for jerks one after another. And u fail to see that there is someone among them who deserve your love but you wouldn't give him the chance to. Although i've never forgotten how much i loved you, i wish i had forgotten how much u hurt me.

Lastly to all my ex's, thanx for all the misery and happiness. We may not have done well together but that's just an experience we should learn from. From what i can see people change so much while im gone. Some change for the better while others for the worst. But it's okay, life is a learning journey. Namely Sadrinna, she changed alot from someone who don't know anything to someone who knows something :) Nurul from a decent tudung girl to a 'hot' bad ass bitch, figuratively i mean no hard feelings i hope. This is gonna be the last time i rememba u all. I've given up on love, goodbye love till we meet again...and btw Huda, at woodlands mart that Wan was talking about he saw you with another guy? That was me, walking past you staring at you but u didn't notice. What luck rite? What u did is dispicable even i can't believe. And to think i trusted you?

Sign
Farhan

Pics of Me

2007-06-28T00:50:00.000+08:00

Farewell My Love

2007-06-21T01:47:00.000+08:00

My love,

I've tried so hard to contain my feelings. Nothing will put it to rest. I know now u will never love me. Therefore its no use for me to continue living a dream. I bid farewell to you...my love

Love
Nobody...

Everything About You

2007-06-10T02:10:00.000+08:00

Dear Love,

I don't know what attracts me to you. Your heart is as beautiful as you are.Your love is more precious then diamonds. I would give anything to be the one you love. You are the 1st person i think of each morning and dream of every night. I can't bare to be apart from you for even an inch. I wish i could see your face every day and every night. NO i won't get bored of seeing your face every moment of my life. It would only make me love you more. People fall in love once, but i fall in love everytime i see you, everytime i think of you, everytime i dream of you. You may not have kept me close to your heart, but i have always kept you in my heart. If i can tell you how much i love you, it would be a story with no end. If i can show you how much u mean to me, it would be a play with no beginning. If yu ask me what i would do for your happiness, i would readily jump of a lava waterfall. For you will never know what i feel and how i love. In my dictionary, you are the very definition of love itself. I would protect you with my life in whatever cicumtances, because if you were gone i would follow you. For my only purpose in this wretched world is to love you. With you around, my life will never be the same. Everyday would be an adventure. You would be a gift from heaven brought down by angels and entrusted to me. NO words can describe how much i love you...

Love
Farhan

Love Letter

2007-06-05T00:07:00.000+08:00

Dear Love,

I want to tell you, how i feel every single day thinking and dreaming of you. I noe u don't feel the same but i cant deny what i truly feel. I've never told u before in words of my own, I LOVE YOU with all my haert and soul. I wish i could tell as much as i want to show u how much u mean to me. But surcumstances change over time. U were always with someone new which i find it difficult to believe. But to see you happy is all i wanted.

If i cant make u the happiest girl in this world then i would want the one u love make u happy for the rest of his life. I just cant believe how much i loved u. It hurts everytime i think of you. It kills me to know u love someone else other than me. But i know my place i this world, like i said before im meant to be alone.

But if given a chance, i would tell u straight from my heart. I'll grab ur hands and on my knees...i would tell you the three sacred words that i rarely say and mean. I love you so much, more than anything in this world. U changed my life, u made me believe in myself. U make me love again and for that i shall love you for eternity. There won't be a single day of your life that i won't say i love you. there won't be one day in my life that i'd ever say i love u no more. Coz my love is always true and tre love last forever in bad and in good.

I will be here waiting for the day u say u love me. If that day ever comes, it will be the best day of my life. If it doesn't then i shall die with u in my heart. You're the only reason why i was brought to this world, and that reason is to love you forever. I may be a brother to you, but ur more than the universe to me...

Love
Farhan

Thse I Loved

2007-06-04T23:56:00.000+08:00

In order of importance, they made a difference to a nobody...

Sweet or Sour?

2007-05-28T19:58:00.000+08:00

This picture is exactly how i pictured she would be in my dreams...

This is just another picture i thot she looked nice in that's all

Life is unpredictable one moment you lost everything and another you got all you wisheed for. Last 2 weeks i was sick...almost felt like dying and feeling lonely. Lepak with my frenz and felt much beta. Didn't count on recieving a plesant surprise. We were calling the people we loved and missedand i happen to think of hannah. Sanwan urged me to call her and ask how she was doing? But i thot otherwise since we have never talked for a long time it would feel crazy and awkward.

But in the end i did call meab becoz deep inside i was hoping she'd pickup. She never did so yeah you know hw that feels. Twce i called and both times she ignored my calls. Iknew it was meant to be at that point of time. So i let it be. In my heart feeling dreadful and more alone than ever...

We all got into the lift and was on our way up to Sanwan's place to watch soccer when my phone rang. I was jolted so i went to see who called. To my surprise hannah called! I was a little nervous at 1st but i still manage fine :) The sound of her voice was a little irritating at 1st but it was okay. Later that nite she called and we talked then i remembered the real hannah i loved. The reason why i loved her.

Today she uploaded her pics they were nothing special except one. ONe portrait really intrigue me. The picture was exactly the face i remembered the 1st time i met her in Loyang. That was an event i can never forget. Coz it was the beginning of a beautiful love story...

Fate

2007-05-13T01:01:00.000+08:00

Dear blog,
It's been awhile since i updated my blog. But what does it matter rite? Nobody is interested to view it anyway? What i thought would happen is happening again. People i love keeps dissapearing from my life sowly and indefintely. Why is this always happening? Am i suc a hrrible person to be able to love anyone? I can't understand, of all people why me? Why issit me that has to suffer all this pain.

Someone dear told me yesterday that it's a surprise that i can care that much 4 anyone? is that fair? I question myself, is that true? am i that evil, ignorant till i have to hear it by someone i love? People can never love me can they?
Even if i get to know them alot better, infact knowing almost everything about them also doesn't necessarily mean they can love u.

Making them laugh, keeping them happy and encouraging them to work towards their dreams, all the support and the time given and spent will not necessarily show them how much they mean to u...even telling them u love them may nt be enough to make them believe. Why are all good men treated this way? why do i have to be one of them? I have loved and lost so many times that it's starting to change me. It's starting to change me into a heartless human with no compassion and alot of anger.

I wish i was loved by those i loved but as fate tells me, it will never come true. My life is meant to be spent all alone all by myself for the rest of my life. Sad as i tmay seem but im beginning to believe tat's true. If only they love me, if only they see what i can offer them. Unconditional love with faithfulness and comassion. Maeb its too late to do anything now...love is never meant for me. Goodbye my lover...

Compromise

2007-04-16T21:48:00.001+08:00

This is for all those i love and lost...

2007-04-13T02:41:00.000+08:00

Hai farhan...im sori bout watever happen to u but this is the last tyme im writing to u...and i mean it..!
Farhan....hes a great guy,
good temper,
swite..and great to be with...
Let me tell u how i get to noe this farhan..i hope this brings great memories to u too farhan...well it goes lyke this.. 4 yrs ago...
i was inside IRC juz doing noting...bored and stuff....then the guys name hoe appeared and we did talk for a while...he appeared friendly but then its tyme 4 me to go.Then...1 mth later...
i chat with him again..this tyme we pend the whole afternoon chatting with noone except us..then we xchange phone number..
The next day...he called me..and we went on talking2 untill bout a yr..but strangely during that tyme i never met him...so i dont mind...then after several mth…I fell for him..dont ask me why but I juz feel he is a great guy….but somehow there is sometink he does not noe bout me…during the first tyme I chat with him he does not noe that I am 12..not 15…and I gave him the wrong name as I don’t trust guys then…so I was afraid if I tell him the truth he will leave me…well after some self-encouragement I tell him through email…unexpectedly he took this easy and he does not mind…as I has told him the truth…so that is when our friendship grows…however during that time I believe that friendship is better than relationship…so we never have a relationship other then a good strong friendship…so he called me everyday and I felt if there is one dae he did not called me my heart will juz snap…hehe…pretty crapy…so he called me everyday and it goes until the end of my sec 1 life when in sec 2 he will be having his ‘O’ level….so I decided to loosen the phone calls and stuff….but wat I did not noe that while I am away from farhan..my attitude is changing as my world of friends is bigger and I actually ended up in a first real relationship in the beginning of the yr….so I did ignore him for a long time since I am too occupied with my ex for about 5 mths or so…when I broke up..i try to contact him again and he did reply back like he used to be…our friendship still goes on….then I kept doing tht to him…appearing in his life then disappear again….i noe I am a JERK! Playing with ppl life…but I juz wanna him to relize that I am juz good for him as a friend…but now sometink happen and I decided to end it….
I am very sorry and I will not be turning back or will take back my words….farhan somebody out there loves u a lot….and that is not me….so treasure it and plzz forget about me….

Sincerely,
Nur Hannah
(Putrinur shufishafika)

PS:The exact words she wrote to me. She who wrecks my life and left it just when i needed her most. She left without a care and happily with another man. Sad as it may seem but i know who i am. Someone who doesn't deserve to be loved the way he dreamt he could be.

About Me

2007-04-02T23:40:00.000+08:00

Holidays can be fun, it can also be dreadful. Becoz when ur in school, u are too occupied with things u got to do. But when u have like 3 weeks all by yourself day in and day out...life gets to you. I hate it when i happen to recall my past. Th this i did, the things i should have done and things i never did.

I hate most at night. When the calmness of the night crawls up to you, with slow and soothing music shattering the air around you. U lay sitting on a chair looking to the sky, searching for the stars. When u found one, u recall a memory. Every single star i found, will recall ur memories.

I don't know why i did it or how i did it. But it hurts everytime that happens. I felt weak beyond help. Helpless as helpless can be. Its me against life. Regrets, misses, love, care, pride, achievement all come at once flooding my thoughts. Sometimes i wish i could share, but i realise nobody cares what i feel. In life you are on your own.

MAy it be good or may it be bad, u have to go through it urself. I used to think u can go through life with someone by your side. Wel that's what i made myself think to comfort yself at night. Nobody can escape the reality of life, ur ultimately alone in this wretched world. Betrayals, lust, jealousy, backstabbing, steping stones and all. People use people. We have to take care of ourselves and not get ourself harmed by these people.

I lost so many people in 19 years. People i cared most, people i loved. Some fooled me, others betrayed me. Some deceived me, others make fun of me. But i stayed true to myself. I never lost my identity. I keep persevering and progressing. I fall but i got up. But i didn't realise i've changed. For a caring individual to a heartless monster. I'm not proud of what i've become. I dont care like i used to. I don't love like i used to.

Told myself THEY caused me to changed. Undeniable but true. But ultimately, its me to blame. They may cause me to change, but i have the right to choose whether i wana change or not. It is clear that i chose to change and i regret it a whole lot. I don't wana be like this. I wan't to love with my wole heart, not only half of it. I don't want to be worry of how it might hurt me but instead i want to expect where love can take me.

Its not fair to some that i don't love them 100%. People who deserve my love 100% don't get it but those who don't threw it away. It hurts when i think of it. I wish i can forget all that has happened to me ad start anew. Love is so pure when u 1st experience it. U never want it to leave. I long for that experince, that moment where love struck through your heart and u fall deeply in love.

If anyone out there who could grant me my wish. Please i would never ask for anything more but to fall purely and deeply in love, with no worries and no regrets, when it hurts, i want to feel it killing me slowly, when it is joyous, i want to keep expecting more. True love prevails...

2007-04-01T01:33:00.000+08:00

My life is drifting...that s the funny thing about time. It never waits for anyone. Time flies slowly when u'r feeling down and flies fast when ur having the time of ur life. The same with people i guess. My goals and my dreams have shifted...due to certain un expected events.

Some of them i can't accomplish and have nothing more to say. Some has to be postponed fo a period of time. And some even im not sure whether it can be accomplishe or not :)

But i noe one thing and that it will always be true. Perserverance and patience will be rewarded. Im going trough some tough times now. But im handling it my way. May not be the best of ways, but it works for me...

B.O.N still alive and kicking. ust need some life that is all. Few problems witin the team but nothing cant be solved. They are my brothers for life man...only they know what i've been through. No matter what...nothing or no one will ever separate us all.

Love? not the right time to discuss of yet haha not interested and not bothered. But those remains at heart will always reamin there 4ever. Don't worry hehe.

Family? like dat and will not chage much...will always be the same haha not that i'd change it or anything :) to tell you the truth im not in a mood to type anything now haha so forgive me if u don't comprehend :) let me just finnish by saying "Care...and never stop caring, Love...and never stop loving but Hate and always stop hating".

My Fairy Tale

2007-03-14T20:55:00.000+08:00

I still cant forget the day. The day i never thought would ever come. The day she would walk with me side by side. The day i would send her home :) Unbelievable i tell u...its as if i was living a lost dream. Although i dreamt of it 10 yrs ago but i can still feel the warmth of the dream till now.

It all started at raffles place. The BON's are having a crazy time and then we decided to take our leave first we sent Ron on his train towards Pasir Ris coz he need to book in at 11pm. After a lila bit of dancing here and there we decided to take the train towards Marin Bay and bounce to Woodlands. Then there she was waking so elegant yet so gracefully....

For a moment i was mesmerised haha for real i never thot she looked that beautiful. She never noticed me i guess? As always walking with her friends and not noticing anyone :) I was so enchanted that my friends had to shake me up pretty good to bring me back to reality :)

The train arrived and we board the train...when reached Marina Bay we thot of switching trains but in the end we didn.t. Before that i was looking for her to see if she switched trains haha but i didn't see her so i leave it be...depressed but i kept it to myself :) We played Fee's PSP all the way to Admiralty where i was shocked for the 2nd time that day to see her walking towards the escalator!!

I didn't know what to do at 1st den suddenly i spoke! "Hi, baru balik ke?". And she replied! Hahaha that was intense. Den slowly we talked haha. Den i said good bye to my fren and continued walking with her :) we talked all the way to her block haha. I had so many things to talked about but amazingly i kept my cool. But inside i cant really contain my excitement...im actually talking to the girl of dreams!!!!

She looked so beautiful...i wish only tat i culd tell her. She was as she was 10 yrs ago...swit, lovely, smiling and adorable as she ever was. Standing next to her and actally communating with her beats any dream i had of her. When finally i had to say goodbye? I wish i need not have to...i smiled, waved and watch as she walked away...and i say to myself "My days will be beutiful from this moment onwards :)".

Let me stay in my own fairy tale. Let it be a fairy tale and let it be not real as long as i feel rejuvinated with her presence every time. The thought of her brings me comfort and warmth that i never felt in a very long time. let it be...my fairy tale...

DanceWorks

2007-03-12T21:46:00.000+08:00

The B.O.N having a great time at the DanceWorks 2007, many girls to see hahaha so many types of people from mat reps to minah tudung semer ader pat saner! hahaha :)

The brothers for life taking the 10pm train to woodlands hahaha and guess who i met that day? My long lost flame...i walked her home haha imagine that? 1st time and the best time ever!

The emo brothers taking a nap? or sulking over lost someone's? hahaha.

And lastly but not least with my favourite adik angkat! missed her so much! took a pictre together and she loos as cute as ever hahaha stay cute Mira :)

Terrible News Just Terrible

2007-02-25T13:11:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was a terrible day for me...from mornig 9am to 12 pm. Morning i woke up late for soccer and played a terribly awful game. Got myself wet in the afternoon showers. talk to my frenz for like 4 rs about life...den talk somore at civic center tiol midnight den got home to hear the most dissapointing news. Had to bear with it but yah i cant take it anymore. Why does this things have to happen to me?

What have i done wrong t deserve all this? My girl told me she gave her no. to a guy she met while studying at McDonalds at elias mall with her fren. They gt to know each other 4 only 1 week without me noticing and he have already sent her to school on his bike...wat the hell was that? Maybe its nothing to some of u guys put there frenz helping out each other...but to trust someone in just 1 week? He and my gerl sitiing uclose on the bke all the way to clementi? Well sorry if im wrong to be uraged here but who in the correct ind would tolerate his gerl doing that behind his back?

I trust she would not do anything that might hang our relationship on the balance. But this i expect her to know better than to except a ride to someone whom u just know less tha a week :( and furthermore...i wanted to be the 1st and only guy to give her a ride on MY bike not anyone else...maeb im too selfish maeb im sad over nutin but i just cant accept wat has happened. My trust on her has shaken. i dont know whether i trust her anymore...why do this things have to hapen to me? :(

Maple Characters

2007-02-21T14:59:00.000+08:00

Haha cute characters ainn't they?
Well this pictures are 4 fun aniway :)

My Valentines Day Gift

2007-02-16T00:17:00.000+08:00

This is the box that surprised me when she gave it to me at Burger King. I wasn't expecting anything really.

This what i saw in the box when i opened it haha pretty cute isn't it? Hahaha :)

She bought me a boxer Lolx :) But i must say she really has good taste hahaha

She Aso baked me a brownie!!! And its delicious i tell u. I still have 1 more piece of the brownie stored in the fridge hehehe. Ain't She sweet?

Picture of both the things that i will never forget given to me by my one and only. Didnt know she could surprise me lke that hahaha.

The empty box with all the cute messages inside it hehe

Thanx to this bubbly girl i called baby, or darling. She made this valentine the best and most memorable day in my entire life Mwah! :)

A Rose For A Friend

2007-02-16T00:08:00.000+08:00

Ayu...Happy Valentines Day :) I wanted to send you this to yourphone so that you can always remember that no matter how far or alone u are...i'll always be rite here to accompany you hehe hope you find that someone soon...

PS: To the most beautiful friend i ever have, The day i knew you ... my life changed in ways i never thought could, Thanx AYU.

Valentine For Ayu

2007-02-13T15:36:00.000+08:00

A Valentine is nothing like
A chocolate or a rose.
For in a week these shall be gone,
But Valentines remain.

If love were always sweet to tongue
Or fragrant to the nose,
Each day would be like Valentine's,
And we would go insane.

A Valentine just hangs around
Waiting to be kissed
Long after special days have passed
And every days are here.

So one is wise to choose one well
And chocolates to resist.
For in the midst of mania
It's nice to have one near.

PS: This one for you AYU...

Valentine For Idah

2007-02-13T15:23:00.000+08:00

Be my Valentine, my love,
As I will be for you,
And we will love the whole day long,
And love our whole lives through.

For love has no parameters
And does not end with time,
But is the gift of paradise,
A pinch of the sublime.

So let us take this holiday
To resubmit our love
To those within that know no sin
And with the angels move.

PS: This one for u BABY...

Valentine For Hannah

2007-02-13T15:05:00.000+08:00

Although our love is over, it remains
An unfrequented garden in my heart,
Its beauty quite inseparable from pain,
A wilderness where once was willful art.

I hope a little piece of you is still
Reserved for me, a place you may not go,
But where my room, untenanted, can fill
A moment with my music, sweet and slow.

There are no wishes like a former lover's
That from the dark, repentant night must shine.
And so though we have both moved on to others,
I send you from afar this Valentine.

Memori Duka

2007-02-08T17:23:00.000+08:00

Secara tiba-tiba aku mengingatimu

Di kamar sepi malam syahdu

Inikah katanya rindu

Sengsara tiada terhingga

Setelah perpisahan pun berlalu

Terdengar lagu cinta membawa kesayuan

Membangkitkan hasrat yang terluka

Lalu aku terdiam pada lena yang panjang

Terurailah rahsia yang terpendam

( korus )

Bertahun dalam derita

Tanpamu aku melara

Berbekalkan saat mimpiku di perjalanan ini

Pemergian dirimu putuslah cinta yang lama

Menghentam diriku dalam memori

Malam kian memaksa lagu menghanyut pilu

Wajah-wajah duka pun hilang

Jika tersua lagi mungkin aku menangis

Menahan getaran hati yang musnah

Events

2007-01-17T12:49:00.000+08:00

This is me listening to my MP3 in my new phone can see? can see? hehehe as well as looking at someone doing something stupid from afar..."What sia??" :)

Here is Devan trying to finnish his food hahaha...itu pon kene amik gambar? Sempat pose plak tu? Eat la DEV!! hahaha

Muke cam kenal, tapi di mana yer? Kecian tgh makan hahaha :)

Kecian brader...tido dalam kelas malam, da lah stress tak complete assignment, lapar pastu balik lambat plak tu...kecian kecian hehehe

Most Beautiful Rose

2007-01-09T01:56:00.000+08:00

Hey :) im back with white flowers...they are beautiful flowers especially in the morning. The morning dew makes them look young and fresh. Wonder why there are three flowers?? Hehehe i figured u deserve more than 1 flower...u truly deserve more than 1 flower :)

Well2 haha who would have guessed? A yellow rose? haha this one specially for you ayu...i'll never forget your favourite colour...and that is yellow! hehe :) Niway i wanted you to know that in the quest to find the most beautiful rose there is...i realised that among the roses i've seen so far...you were the most beautiful of them all ;)

My Birthday

2007-01-07T20:36:00.000+08:00

Here is IDAH my one and only sweetheart! Hahaha the sweetest thing that ever happen to me. Guess what she did? She bought me a chocolate pie! from Long John Silver's and brought it to an underblock table. She took out a candle stick it on the pie. Lit it, and sang a birthday song for me! Hahaha i was totally shocked! Nobody ever done that before haha serious...and for once she blew me away...never saw that coming...unbelievable :)

A Rose

2007-01-04T18:51:00.000+08:00

Hey this flower is for Ayu haha well...this the prettiest i can find. But Of Course I'll keep searching for something more prettier...

Lesson About Life

2006-12-28T02:04:00.000+08:00

A few hours ago i came to know that a friends relationship is on the line. She asked for help but i can't give any...i don't think im equip for that kind of advise. I could have saved their relationship but i feel helpless. I couldn't give any advise that i can agree on. I see her cry in front of me and then it struck me how trapped they were. Each wanting the best for each other but unknowingly they hurt each other.

Huda wished she had more time to spare but reality proves otherwise, she doesn't want her loved ones to feel left out but she has alot in mind and she can't take it all at once. And San Wan plak loved her too much that she has become a diamond in his heart. Very difficult for him to let go. This wat i call true love ladies and gentlement. Till death do us part kind of true love. The feeling is not made up. It comes about naturally and spontaneously.

This situation made me realise that i'm lucky to have found someone who has always been by me side. We share problems with each other and not keep it to ourselves. We express our love to each other and mean it every time. We try to show we love through our actions. We spend as much time together than when we're apart. How could i've been so blind? What i've been searching for is already infront of me and yet im blind enough to not see it.

I want to tell her how much i appreciate her being there for me. As a friend and someone i love. Nobody can ask anything more from a girl. Your beauty attracts almost every guy in town and yet you chose me to be with forever. At times i hurt you so deep that you could never trust me ever again but yet u did. U try to be there whenever i wanted you even when i didn't do the same. You make me feel i'm not worth your love but at the same time i can't afford to loose you. If a perfect girl exists out there, then u would be the one i've been searching for all this time.

Rainy Wednesday

2006-12-22T18:08:00.000+08:00

I'm at the bus stop waiting for the bus haha sempat amik gambar haha. It was after raining that's why im wearing the jacket haha. Keeps me warm from the freezing rain. Can't wait to watch Happy Feet hahaa!!!

Was It A Dream?

2006-12-20T22:13:00.000+08:00

Yesterday i was out the whole day haha. Can you imagine? During monsoon season? Raining all day and all night? Terrible day to go out i tell ya. But despite all that? it turned out to be a fantastic day afterall :)

I went out at about 12.30pm like that and the moment i stepped out of the house...it felt like the North Pole! Serious no joke. Lucky for me i brought along my thick jacket so it kinda helps haha. The train was danm crowded like always people going here and there. Armed with my MP3 i endulge myself with the sweet sound of music thoughout the trip.

When I reeached Dhoby Gaut one end was totally empty and the other was totally crowded. She's waiting at the crowded end...searched high and low and finally found her hahha. I hid and call her but what luck she saw me already what a waste...could have surprised her or sumthing like dat haha.

Then we walked in the rain with an umbrella ofcourse all the way to Cathay Cineplex. She in her gorgeous yellow...V-neck thingy?? haha and jeans. And always with the half-hearted pendant with my name engraved on it. But i forgot to wear mine that day...felt incomplete the whole time. But she made it worth while...always have. Then she had to go to the toilet...i watched her go...and i realise why i loved her. I love her because i can't bear to watch her walk away from me...

We watched Flyboys and it was awesome. Alot of action and a little love story just enuf to spice the whole things up. But sad thing is When the guy went to Paris to look for Lucianne...but she was never found...I wonder if i were to ever went to war...would she be worried like dat for me? I hope so...

Then we went to eat at Long John Silver's. Like always i order for her and i end up eating for her haha. I finnished eating 1st and i watched her...like in the movies i watched her in slow motion she's sweet when she's eating slowly haha...crap but i guess it attracts me haha. We joke around and talk about everything. After eat we walked to the mrt station.

I sent her home, on the way to her place in the mrt i held her close all the way to Pasir Ris. I never want to let her go ever...it was just peaceful when we were together. Like no place on earth. Sent her to the bus stop and kissed her goodbye...i wish we need not part but the day is over...but only to welcome another day...

True Love Remains Forever

2006-12-18T04:50:00.000+08:00

Somebody asked me a question. Do we know what exactly is true love? To be precise...nobody has the answer to that question. But everybody is entitled to their own perceptions of what true love means...True love doesn't need any reasons to exist...love is not logical and cannot be explained. Love is from the heart, not the mind. Love is unconditional with its own power and magic. It can change lives and even ruin others. Every single one of us are looking for true love and still searching...singles, attached, committed or separated. Different people view true love differently. This is how i view it...

True love is when you dream of her even when u've never met her or known her. When every sorrow and every joy in ur life has something to do with her. You could see the future in her eyes. Your heart skips a beat every time she calls. And every moment u are awake, u await her presence or simply a note to show she cared. To me her absence is killing me slowly. When love happens, you don't think...u just fall. From the day u knew she existed...you could see urself spending your whole life with her. You never question why...u just make it happen. It is when everyday...you fall in love with her all over again.

So never ask me whether i know what true love means...I have found and lost them, so many times...to people i thought knew the meaning of love. You were the last to whom i'd give my heart to. So question yourselves...do you know what true love is???

My Orion's Belt

2006-12-18T04:40:00.000+08:00

Here is the Orion's Belt which is made up of three stars. I love this star it means alot to me and it is my favourite star in the universe. To me it symbolise 3 individual in my life who is important in every aspect of my life.

The 1st was someone i fall for a very long time ago. That was when i was primary 3, her name is Hazbibah. She was every thing i could think off in the next 3 years of primary school life. Seeing her everyday in school has kept me strong and gave me inspiration to excell in my studies. I never told her how i felt since then. But nonetheless someone i regard as an angel in troubled times.

The 2nd was someone i never expected to fall in love. That was when i was secondary 3, her name was Hannah. She was the one i felt most comfortable with although i never met her before. Met her in the IRC chat several times and might have written alot about her here oso. Loved her since i knew what she means to me. For 4 years never looked, never bothered and never wanted to know anyone else. Although it turned out sour in the end but nonetheless i won't make it this far if it weren't her encouragement and concern. My inspiration to do well in my 'O' Levels.

The 3rd and final person that means the world to me, is someone i got to know 1 year ago. It started out to be just a night spent all alone infront of my computer. Soon i got to know she stayed over at a frens house. My fren introduced her to me but she was sleeping at that point of time. Her name was Rahayu, the most joyful and mature 16 year old i've ever known. Eversince the first picture i saw of her...i knew she would mean alot to me. And it proved to be true. But wat is meant to be is never always meant to be. It just happens that she never treated me more than just a fren. And probably she never will...it still hurts but soon i'll get over it. Nonetheless someone who made me realise love is still out there...

My Dream

2006-12-03T23:06:00.000+08:00

Last night, i've been to a place in my dream. Its is a beautiful place in an island. I was in a house built by the side of the mountain. Standing on the balcony looking towards the sea. With te full moon shining bright, reflecting its light on the dark waters. With nature surrounding me and the view of the vast sea beyond. The feeling is incredible, i actally felt really seeing all these wonders.

It was a party, people were mingling in the guest room talking about their interest. Girls having fun picking out guys. Guys flirting with girls. The air is filled with alcohol and cigarette smoke that i had to go out for some fresh air. I opened the slide door and was greeted with a view more magnificent than the 7 wonders of the world. The sea breeze blowing across my face, cool and fresh. I Stared into wildernest of the open sea. Thinking of people i cared and lost.

I was shaken off by a smooth, soft voice. A beautiful girl came with a glass of 7up in 1 hand and said "I knew why you came here". She too agreed that it was the perfect spot in the whole entire house. And also her favourite. We chatted and laughed to our jokes as if we are having a party of our own. Then she asked..."since you were so nice to me, would you like to go to the jetty with me?". We walked through the densed forest where the path is lit to the jetty.

We sat tdown at the end of the jetty with our feet under water. We talked the whole night long only the both of us. And i can still recall the dream till today.

2006-11-28T12:44:00.000+08:00

Here i am in school doing nothing and feeling down. I can't explain why i'm like this...never felt ever so lonoely before, or have i? I keep thinking of the future i want to have but not doing anything about it. I love someone so dearly that if she's not here i would die.

I think of her every single day before i go to sleep and before i wake up to a new day. Sometimes i stare into nothingness and find myself in a dream. Nothing seems right without her. Nothing seems wrong with her. She made me feel so 'CARED' and meaningful. She is more precious than any diamond or pearl. If i ever lost her...i'd lose myself and everything that made me...me.

The day i didn't want to come is finally here. The day i'm gona lose the one's i love...again. It hurts alot but no tears can ever replace the pain. Why is this happening again? Why haven't i learnt my lesson? It feels as if my heart is delibrately made a fool of. I'm torn between telling her the truth and risk loosing everything.

Momento

2006-11-26T01:25:00.000+08:00

Over the past few years, I've tried to forget the past but it came hunting me back in my dreams. I thought i'd never forget her, I used to think i've gotten over her but i realised i was fooling myself.

But i'm sure now i'm over her. Because finally someone who can replace her momento. Someone i never thought that i'd ever feel this way for ever again. She made me realise i've been missing something in my life all along. All this time trying very hard to forget i fail to notice people who cares.

A mutual friend becomes a forbidden lover. Someone who i can only dream of being with. Its kinda sad to say that every time i found love...i'll bound to loose it. I'm afraid to do alot of stuff, i'm afraid to take risk.

Lesson learnt over the past few years is never to let my guard down even for one second. It's very rare for me to fall in love more than once, that is why i seldom socialise. Afraid that i might one day be hurt again.

But now weird feelings start to surface. Feeling of insecurity, jealousy, joy and alot of other stuff mixed up in one element. Sometimes i just wish i could say I LOVE U. But to think of the consequences and wat if's and the future, fills me with doubt.

I no longer know what im doing. I'm not in control of wat i feel. I don't want to loose people I care most. This feeling kills me the longer i keep. But i can't bring myself to say it. For alot of reasons i know and don't. I can be sure that im falling... If only I know how she feels...

A Poetry

2006-11-20T23:13:00.000+08:00

It seems so unfair to me

It happens over and over again

When will I learn my lesson

And stop being everyones friend

I havent learned my lesson

I think its about time I do

Because I've fallen so hard I can't believe it's true

I wasn't honest in my feelings towards you

I knew that it could never be

The reason I know that u ask

Is because that is the life of me

Truly caring about someone

And then being rejected

I have to say its not that easy

I have to keep my heart protected

So now we left it at "lets be friends"Nothing new at all

As I sit here day and night

Just waiting for that phone call

Well I'm done waiting

And I can't promise to be your friend

One promise I will make though

Is that I will love you till the end

1st Day Raya

2006-11-08T22:31:00.000+08:00

Hey! its me on the 1st day of raya hahaha All blue babe hehehe. Went to not that alot of houses but still alright ar tak mendak sangat.

Idah looking as sweet as ever on the 1st day of raya hehehe.

Love Quote

2006-11-08T22:18:00.000+08:00

Love is always patient and kind,
It is never jealous.
Love is never boastful nor conceited,
It is never rude or selfish,
It does not take offence,
And it is not resentful.
Love takes no pleasure in other peoples sin,
Their delight and the truth,
It is always ready to excuse,
to trust, to hope
& to endure
Whatever comes

Pantun Terindah

2006-10-27T23:07:00.000+08:00

Sungguh Cantik Bulan Purnama;
Menyinari Suasana Gelap-Gelita;
Bolehkah Patik Jalan Bersama;
Dengan Gadis, Ayu Cantik dan Jelita?

X-Men Outing

2006-05-28T13:41:00.000+08:00

Yesterdays outing was tiring. But we manage to do some stuff that we never did before. Like watch movie at cathay cineplex, which by the way i didn't even know existed hahaha. After we bought the tickets then we took some pictures at cineplex itself which by the way is not allowed hahaha. but wht the hell...we take oready so to hell with the security guard. And here we are rite outside cineplex all in a group except for the camera women kamelia hahaha.

This is the picture of thte gals in our group that followed that day. As you can see kamelia is in the picture hahaha. Too bad huda not around but i guess she can see the pictures over the net at cambodia hahaha cann cann cann!!!

The Band of Nikeys'. We taking our informal pictures hahaha soo full of crap as you can see khairon not realy posing hahaha or is he? But if he is? i guess its an abstract pose?Hahahaha because i cant't really see any pose hahaha. Niway nice crap you guys hahaha.

Me & Idah taking picture with birtday girl hahaha. She can even ask? Ouh take picture with me eh? Wat sia hahahaha ofcourse must take pictures with birtday girl mah hahaha.

Birthday girl taking pictures with classmate hahaha nice. I guess Mira is also in their class...hey tell her bout yesterday aites hahaha.

And this picture is meant to all those who have never seen the merlion before. To the tourist around the world...here is Sani Wani presenting our national icon, The Merlion Hahahaha.

Idah's Sister Wedding

2006-05-23T13:54:00.000+08:00

On Sunday 21st May 2006 was the greatest day of my life! I was to meet my gurl's parents hahaha. How terrifying was that? Never met any of my Ex's parents before so this is quite something to talk about hahaha. I woke up extra early that day...usually i wake up 3hrs before going out but that day i wokeup 4 hrs before i go out hahaha.

Then i go beathe then got my baju kurung out...thot of using white but then my mum said later dirty so i changed to purple. Brought my samping along so i won't have to look so stupid wearing the samping all the way to Pasir Ris. Reach Tampines i went to topup my Ez-link card then waited for bus 39. Although i didn't have to wait long but the trip was so long that it took 15 mins to reach to Idah's house.

Then when reach already, i called Idah on the fone and she asked me to go up t her house! Hahahaha. I was so scared that i waited outside the lift hahaha she had to drag me in hahaha imagine that. There i met 2 of her frenz which...i don't recall the name hahaha. To stressed to even care bout the names. Then her mum came through the front door and so did her dad! Imagine the horror and the shock! But it turned out fine. They were interesting hahaha maybe because they didn't know who i really was.

Then we went to have lunch i think at 11 am! hahaha so i guess its breakfast hmm. Then when we start work we were handed pink rubber bracelets to wear and a towel to wipe the table hahaha. The girls wore a flower bracelet and carried baskets. There i met my fren Fattah who happen to werk as a caterrer. Lucky got him if not? I alone hahaha. Thentime pass by very fast because so many people come and go like nobody bussiness. There was one time i saw my cousin's fren or sister or someone that looked like her. Hahahaha its a small world isn't it?

Didn't i tell you that Idah's mum gave all of us $10 at the start! How generous. I thought they suppose to give us after we done our job? hahaha. She also gave us another $10 after the ceromony! hahaha $20 for working 7 hrs!!! more money than they pay me at Pizzahut! hahaha. We were to shagged by the end of the last hr that we all sat down on 1 table, try to imagine 7 hrs standing hahaha can die le. We ate before we go and Idah ate with me hahaha, its difficult to see her eat anyway and that day was my lucky day i guess.

Going home time we went to get our bags and we were forced to take picture the kendarats hahahaha. But then we got alot of chocolates so its worthit. I was sad though Idah cant walk me to the MRT but still Im proud that she's my gurl!!! She look hot in pink like everyday and forever! hahaha. MUAH!!!

ToTo Concert

2006-05-18T00:56:00.000+08:00

Here as you all can see is me and San Wan the sachok brothers hahahaha. Ain't we cool hahaha. Here we are reporting at Fort Canning hill at 4.30pm awaiting our humble duties as ushers at ToTo concert. Me with my green tea and Sani Wani with his orange towel and purple, furry keychain hahahaha. Gay keper boy?

Mat & Ron on the opposite side of us hearing MP3. Mat Dengan muke tak senonoh haha. Ron Dengan muke slumber. Mat pegang 100plus dengan baju hangten haha. Kasot Nike Tianpo biasa. Ron plak baju ntah tak tau plak eh dgn kasut nike black.

The atmosphere during the concert was amazing...for a band that i've never heard of haha. This picture is taken on the 2nd floor of fort canning hill the building on top hahaha. I think it is called the archeology department? Im assigned to the right part of the building, San Wan at the left. Hafiz 1st floor left and Khairon at the entrance collecting the tickets.

This is me sitting on the parapet watching the concert! hahaha actually in soo bored. Need to watch the people and the cioncert. Haiz but atleast i got to see Ang-mo hahaha. Drunken Ang-mo's to be precise hahaha. But still bored.

The Band of Nikeys' is here! except Fee takder dier ader lecture pat skola. So dier tak dapat datang. Never mind hopefully on 31st dier dapat datang pat National Stadium. By the way ini time kiter nak balik hehe.

The Band Of Nikeys'

Die Mother Fucker!

2006-05-14T23:05:00.000+08:00

Friday was not a great day. I was excited to play at Jurong for the 1st time in man y years but it's just not my luck. It turns out we fought in the court or should i say i fought in the court with a punk ass who is a sissy at commiting the ball. kicked me from behind, slide like as though playing at the field and started punching me at the face. What a joke. Would have finnished him off but was stopped by my frenz. What a pity, I could have torn him to pieces with my bear hands. We'll meet again and the next time nobody is going to see you die...

Couple of The Year Award

2006-05-05T01:22:00.000+08:00

We would like to thank all our fans for this prestigious honour to be the Couple of The Year! This is our 1st time being nominated and winning this award we are speechless but nonetheless thankyou all for making it all possible we luv ya!

New Shoes!

2006-05-05T01:19:00.000+08:00

This is my new shoe! Nice rite? Ofcourse its nice because i'm wearing it hahahaha. Bought it at I.P ZONE for $19 kinda cheap ait it? But still i like it. Hahaha Idah picked the colours for me because as you all know it i'm not good at picking colours.

The Opposition Paties!

2006-05-05T01:14:00.000+08:00

Welcome the opposition parties! Mr Farhan, Mr Promphet and Mr Leon. Vote for us in the upcoming election! Our symbol is the fish with a dick sticking out from its mouth!

Remember to vote for us aites! We need your support!

2006-05-05T01:07:00.000+08:00

Yeah Baby! That's hot! What else can i expect from my baby? Nothing more...She's my sunlight,

my rain, the air i breathe, the reason for me to live, The face of angel, she's my heart, my blood that runs through my veins, she's more than what she seems and probably something more!

Ain't I Cool?

2006-05-05T01:02:00.000+08:00

Hey! How do i look? I didn't manage to look at the mirror today because out of time hahaha. The first picture i took during my cuzzins wedding at tampines. Should have been there there were countless people that i don't know of hahaha.

My Cuzzin Wedding

2006-04-24T01:05:00.000+08:00

.:NICE SUIT:.

.:PUTRI GUNUNG LEDANG:.

Mahani & Pehka may u guys live happily ever after. Nice suit lend me sometimes for my prom night or sumtink hahaha.

2006-04-17T00:43:00.000+08:00

Haizz too tired to go for next class. Let me take a break for awhile

and close my eyes...

B.O.N

2006-04-16T22:08:00.000+08:00

Yesterday...was a terrible day for me...Defend your turf was splendid till the finals. First half, was great for us we just kept them at bay. And we started attacking on the second half and we got alot of splendid setups. I setup 1 chance for San Wan to score but it was blocked. But the worst is yet to come...on the late 2nd half of the match. I should have scored...it was already a goal! It all started with a counter attack from Fee who passed to me in midfield and i dribbled to lay it to San Wan than he couldn't hold it anymore and lay it back to me. I with superb speed and agility dribbled it a little further to the opponents near post and unleashed a superb Ronaldinho chip past the defender who tried to block it. It was already rolling in the semicicle and i knew the game was ours for the win. BUT then the opponents defender rushed into the semicircle and swiped the ball out of the semicircle. What the HELL!!!. I was so furious with that...and the referee was not fair also...although he sent off the player but he gave a penalty to us...that is soo bullshit man!!! That is a CLEAR GOAL! How could he have given us a penalty instead? That is soo not fair!!! Then Hafiz took the penalty and missed it...i was feeling like...there goes our chance...not that it was Hafiz's fault or anything...it was nobody's fault it was that motherfucker's fault!!! What kind of sportsmanship was that? Delibrately preventing a goal from being scored In the semicircle. I wish i could beat the hell out of that punk...if only the referee was not a factor...i would have...and im still waiting the day i meet that punk again. I'll give him a piece of my mind. It's just not fair...we should have been the finalist. we fought hard to be in that position. Not much skill but pure teamwork...that's what our game was all about. The hero of the day's goal was ruined by some punk who never understand english. In still replaying that very goal in my mind now...and i guess for the rest of my life. A goal to be remembered and the day to be upset about for the rest of my life...Im just filled with anger...a fire that will never stop burning for a long time to come...We lost a game which we had already won...

.: Hail The Best :.
Khairon
Firdaus

Shirhan
San Wan
Farhan
Hafiz
~`~`~`~`~`~`~